If I smile and seem happy all the time does not mean I am not dying inside.
I just conceal my sadness with my happiness.
But it doesn't mean I'm sad either. What keeps me going? The ability to make others happy. That's why I live helping others.
On the contrary, the thing that hurts me most is when others are hurt or saddened because of me. That will certainly make my day gloomy.
Nothing I can do to help but to fix my mess and hope for the best. If it is unfixable... Well, I'm pretty much better of dead.
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