Why do we fear the unknown.
I fear the unknown. I'm scared of the uncertainty of the future. The fragile hope that I hold on to which can be crushed by words or events that are beyond my control.
Why do I have to wait? Oh... I know why. However, will it be worth it.
It always sways me from happy to hopeless; from hopeful to depressed. Why bother?
I wish I had someone to talk to sometimes. Then I remember, why not this blog? So, here I am.
Many things happens in my life. Dreams can be started, developed and totally crush in a short span of a few days. With such an amazing imagination, it is only a matter of time before I have a complete breakdown.
Everyday, people interact with me. They are talks and silences. Sometimes even laughter. But, when the day ends, I realized I have nobody to turn to. Yeah, you read it right, nobody. Surprisingly, I got used to this.
I got used to not talking about what I feel. I got used to keep all my feelings bottled up. In hope that, if I'm lucky enough, all that bothers me will eventually go away.
As I grow older (I'm only 19, but I feel like it has been at least 30 years), everyone around me will have found their dreams to strive towards to, significant other to impress and woo. I just feel that I am lagging behind the pack, it feels that everyone around me is too focused on their goals for them to realize that I have fallen behind.
This reminds me of a snorkeling trip that I had very recently. Unlike a few of my friends, I am not so competent in travelling in water. As a result, I will always be behind them, struggling and barely keeping up to them. That situation will never get out of my head.
It feels like what I'm feeling now. No one around me. Just me floating around a big blue ocean and only a few that are swimming towards the horizon in front of me, not even looking back.
Anyways, all these bottled up feelings, I feel as though they have been trapped enough. They just want to be poured out, to be heard. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who don't just go around telling everyone how I feel. It's funny because I'm like that, my friends eventually won't expect me to say anything to them, hence they won't even bother asking.
So many things happening at once and I don't think I can keep up physically, mentally and emotionally anymore.
