Great expectations

This has nothing to do with the famous novel by Charles Dickens.

This is a story about me.

Not exactly a story, but it's just something about me.

Well, I'm not sure about you, but I'm the sort of person that sets high goals for myself and expect to myself to do things that may sometimes be beyond my capability.

It's not bad. I mean, how can some goal setting be harmful right? When you set goals it gives you the motivation to keep striving to achieve it.

My problem is not that. My problem is I get disappointed and even depressed at times when I do not do the things I imagine I could accomplish.

It feels so bad at times I start hating myself. Questions like "why didn't I think of that earlier?" and "how could I have made it better?" starts popping in my head.

This feelings can go on for a while ranging from minutes to weeks. What makes the matter worse? Someone comes along and does it better than me and they do it so effortlessly. Gah... It's like a slap to your face saying " hey, you're disposable, you are not needed here anymore. I can replace you anytime"

Reminds me of the movie The Expendables. Haih... Depressing blog post. Well it's a great way to conclude a depressing day. My life ain't a movie and happy endings may not be meant for me, but hey! My life ain't a movie which means that I don't have to follow a script and do whatever people tell me to do. I can be whoever I want to be and say whatever I want to say.

Oh.. I just remembered. I took a personality test a few days ago and one of the result was this "Sometimes I like to withdraw from family and friends and just be alone in my room to read or watch TV." Its so true!

I was wondering why do I do this? Then I thought things through and noticed something. The reason I keep going back to the collection of movies even though I can memorize every dialog made throughout the movie is because I love the endings. Deep down inside I wish life would be the same for me. Besides that, it also provides a temporary escape to the flat 2D virtual world where I could sometimes relate to the main character.

How nice if I could have my happy ending too. The main character strives so hard to overcome everything even though all odds were against him. Still he can rise up victorious in the end. I just wish I could be triumphant in everything I do and achieve my expectations.

Time to end my post by saying... Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.